Family Time Keepers

Hey hey people!!! first of all I wanna say thank you for all the comments on my previous post. You people are nice . Shout out to odekanmibillblog for nominating me for the Liebstar award. I really wanted to answer the questions you asked, but halfway through answering them, I realized I was a bore and decided not to post my answers.

In this life the importance of minding your business a.k.a paddling your canoe cannot be overemphasized. So I went for my grandma’s burial in Ibadan, last weekend and it was fun (minus that part when we were at the graveside and the ropes to lower the casket with were nowhere in sight. When you forget to sweat the little stuff. Awkward much.)

Prior to last weekend, I used to pride myself in my ability to greet elders, I have had people complain that I greet too much. Well that was before I met people who genuinely thrive on greetings, who live for the very moment your knees hit the floor in submission and acknowledgment of their adulthood. I greeted so much last weekend my joints were tired and even my go to plastic smile failed me at a point.

You know the thing about Africans and our overly extended families, those your father’s cousin’s son’s wife who make it a point of duty to remind you that the last time they saw you, you were fresh from the womb.

Constantly marveling at how much you’ve grown in the last 19 years and wondering why you do not recognize them. Those ones that want you to fill them in on all that has been happening in your life since the last time they saw you at your christening, whilst you maintain an awkward position of not kneeling and not standing. You know those positions that don’t even pass as a squat, the one where your face is too close to theirs for comfort but you can’t stand up ‘cos she has a hand constantly patting your back. They are never in a hurry after all they are seated.

I call these people self-appointed family  time keepers.You know like the time keepers from secondary school ringing the bell at intervals announcing what time it is and what you should be doing. They disappear for a long while then suddenly you hear a bell and if your school was annoying they shout change of period abi is it period change? just so you know its time to move on.

Family time keepers are like that they disappear and suddenly appear to remind you its time for marriage or if you are married time for babies.

I lost count of how many times  conversations I had somehow wound its way to marriage, relationship, my shakara level, a single doctor, a friend’s son and let’s not forget the ever constant boy abroad all of whom I might be suitable for. Even family time keepers I was meeting for the first time thought it right to inform me that I was “ripe for marriage”

I started questioning my age at a point, maybe I’m older than my birth certificate says.

Why is it ok for people to assume and vigorously pursue the assumption that feeding people jollof rice via my wedding is the next step after school. God forbid that I have other plans, that maybe oga boss isn’t ready or worse still I am not ready.

Aunty, what if I’m desperately trying to get a man and  getting married is what I want  and your questions do nothing but remind me of my lack of boo and the bleak hope of his appearing anytime soon.

What if I just got out of a horrible relationship, currently nursing a heartbreak and the last thing I need to hear is the need to rush into another one? what planet does this seem like the appropriate place, or manner to ask me such?

Half the people asking do not even truly care if you get married, they are just making conversations; putting unnecessary pressure and embarrassing you just to make conversation. The other half are only interested in the wedding party, the aso ebi (clothes), food and souvenirs involved shikena (the end).

Like my mother said, when next they ask you when you are getting married tell them when you get an invitation it means its time.